Can't Run Fast Enough

Do you ever feel like you need to get away from someone or something but, it always comes back?

We went to Carter's class display last night. He was so excited to show me all the things that he had made. We got to the first table which had necklace on it, I noticed one necklace that did not look like the rest and hoped it wasn't his. Which necklace is yours, Carter? I asked. Carter responded, "the one that is not wrapped around, I didn't finish and the teacher took it anyway". Ok, good enough. Next was the tee pee table. Oh no, one is standing out. Carter, is that tee pee yours? I asked. "Yep that is mine", he stated. This tee pee was black and all the rest were brown.

Ok, I know Carter thinks like no other child but something is up. Here come Mrs. Jackson from across the room. I asked Carter to go do a make and take. Here it comes what is he up to now. Mrs. Jackson is worried because Carter uses the bathroom every hour. I told her I was not sure what was going on but I will talk to him about it. She is having a really hard time getting him to stay focused and to finish anything..... I didn't want to have this conversation, not this year. I want to to live in my bubble and pretend that it has all gone away, he is normal has friends and can pay attention in school and understands when he is being bullied. Do I really have to face reality?

Starting to feel over whelmed, I feel a little person hugging me. I looked down to find a little girl in my last years primary class. This little girl has such a sweet spirit and her family found out that her mom has Cancer and it doesn't look good. I was so relieved after last year that I wouldn't have to look this little girl in the face at the most difficult time in her life because I was no longer her teacher..... well she is turning 10 this year and they moved me to the ten year old class so I get her again this year. I left the conversation with Miss Jackson and went with the little girl.

We sat at the make and take table. We talked about prayers being answered, being sick, her spirit and I realized that I can run all I want from my fears of death but I can never escape her. She trusts me enough to open up to me, to tell her sister to wait in the hall so she could finish her conversation with me in private (we were at a table with lots of other kids, I guess they didn't exist at the time). She was sad that her Mom was to tired and sick to come. I responded that her Mom loves her and would to have loved to see all the neat stuff that was displayed and that not being able to do things like this is harder on her them the medicine. She came up with a great plan. She is going to make a display stand at home and take it in to her Mom's room so she could feel like she was part of it. I told her that her Mom would love it!

I came home and broke down. It is not fare for her and she told me that she was praying and Heavenly Father was not answering her prayer, he was not healing her Mom. They are going to finish this round of Kimo (spelling) and then they are done. What do you say???

I figured out last night that I have to put my fears of death behind me. She trusts me and needs me to help her stay strong. I know that our Heavenly Father answers our prayers, he answers them in a way that strengthens us while here on earth. It's not always the answers that we want but it is what is best. Heavenly Father knows us better then we know our self.